@myEmoji (myEmoji)

Twitter Status 1013158229075996678 on iEmoji

1.

myEmoji
myEmoji @myEmoji
I’ll have you know my mother is a very fetching woman who you would be lucky to have sex with but she’s monogamous and happily married for almost 30 years and in her salad days (no tossing, this is a wholesome post where i talk about how attractive my mom is and was and always will be) she caught the eye of many a man (and likely a few women, not that i know, per se, but one can have hopes for one’s own mother that aren’t incestual and are more aspirational for her, as a person) and her mind is whip-smart too! you’d not want to play cards with her a game of hearts as she’s perfectly capable in a one deck, four player game of knowing where the “bitch” is merely from knowing who has played what . And she wouldn’t take any of you young whippersnapper’s sass either, i’ll have you know; goodness, when i tried such things in my own salad days (yes, i have tossed, but that’s a subject for another day and another less wholesome post) she’d verbally check me (no mating, sheesh, get y’all’s filthy minds out the gutter) and, say, for example, if i exaggerated the truth (as i did once when i said, upon hearing that the levee broke, that the radio station, kisw “the rock,” announced that and played the led zeppelin song “when the levee breaks” three times in a row), “fiddlesticks!” which is a subtle yet effective way to call your handsome child out for lying but not saying the mean, “that’s bullshit.” (of course what i should have said was, “the radio station should have played that song thrice.” but then i’d’ve been beaten with a cattail from the lake’s edge of us have used the t-word, but that’s neither here nor there .) she’s no saint, but each of you dingleblossoms would be honored to have her snickerdoodles. (euphemism implied, hard and fast...or slow and easy—dealer’s choice.) tl;dr: my mom’s awesome sauce and you’re the pre-cum from an old , stale, forgotten squeeze bottle of mustard in the back of you mom’s fridge where, i’m sure, none of your artwork still hangs. boom!
30 Jun 18 copy & paste +upvote -downvote I’ll have you 👆 know my mother is a very fetching woman who you 👆 would be lucky to have sex with but she’s monogamous and happily married for almost 30 years and in her salad days (no tossing, this is a wholesome post where i talk about how attractive my mom is and was and always will be) she caught the eye of many a man (and likely a few women, not ❌ that i know, per se, but one can have hopes for one’s own mother that aren’t incestual and are more aspirational for her, as a person) and her mind is whip-smart too! you’d not ❌ want to play cards with her a game of hearts as she’s perfectly capable in a one deck, four player game of knowing where the “bitch” is merely from knowing who has played what 😟. And she wouldn’t take any of you 👆 young whippersnapper’s sass either, i’ll have you 👆 know; goodness, when i tried such things in my own salad days (yes, i have tossed, but that’s a subject for another day 🌞 and another less wholesome post) she’d verbally check me 👇 (no mating, sheesh, get y’all’s filthy minds out the gutter) and, say, for example, if i exaggerated the truth (as i did once when i said, upon hearing that the levee broke, that the radio station, kisw “the rock,” announced that and played the led zeppelin song “when the levee breaks” three times in a row), “fiddlesticks!” which is a subtle yet effective way to call your handsome child out for lying but not ❌ saying the mean, “that’s bullshit.” (of course what 😟 i should have said was, “the radio station should have played that song thrice.” but then i’d’ve been beaten with a cattail from the lake’s edge of us have used the t-word, but that’s neither here nor there 👉.) she’s no saint, but each of you 👆 dingleblossoms would be honored to have her snickerdoodles. (euphemism implied, hard and fast...or slow and easy—dealer’s choice.) tl;dr: my mom’s awesome sauce and you’re the pre-cum from an old 👴, stale, forgotten squeeze bottle of mustard in the back of you 👆 mom’s fridge where, i’m sure, none of your artwork still hangs. 💥boom!💥

...but wait! There's more!

1.

fakhright
fakhright @fakhright
astaghfirullah peng.krim guaaaaaaaa..............a *salto sambil solat*
14 Jan 13 copy & paste +upvote -downvote astaghfirullah peng.krim guaaaaaaaa..............a *salto sambil solat* 🙈🙈🙊

2.

ReganBrittany
ReganBrittany @ReganBrittany
Nanana diva is the female version of the hustlaaaa! #gettinmoney
14 Jan 13 copy & paste +upvote -downvote Nanana diva is the female version of the hustlaaaa! #gettinmoney 💰💵💸
3.
Rickygonz1215
Rickygonz1215 @Rickygonz1215
If I weighed 182 I'd be cut
13 Jan 13 copy & paste +upvote -downvote If I weighed 182 I'd be cut 👌💪💪💪
4.
MariaCabayubi
MariaCabayubi @MariaCabayubi
“@_lexiemichelee: @MariaCabayubi you know how slow I am Maria. But it looks really good”hah I know this. But thank youuu
14 Jan 13 copy & paste +upvote -downvote “@_lexiemichelee: @MariaCabayubi you know how slow I am Maria. But it looks really good😍😘👏💖”hah I know this. But thank youuu ☺😚💜💜
5.
MissSharieff
MissSharieff @MissSharieff
we can be miles apart & no matter where you are, you're always in my heart.
14 Jan 13 copy & paste +upvote -downvote we can be miles apart & no matter where you are, you're always in my heart. 😘💜
6.
SeaaJayyyy
SeaaJayyyy @SeaaJayyyy
I wish they had a middle finger emoji
14 Jan 13 copy & paste +upvote -downvote I wish they had a middle finger emoji 🙏
7.
angiex830
angiex830 @angiex830
Mauricio is like cracking up because of how jealous I am......
13 Jan 13 copy & paste +upvote -downvote Mauricio is like cracking up because of how jealous I am...... 😐🔫
8.
dannye27
dannye27 @dannye27
I like how emoji has jdm symbol.
11 Oct 11 copy & paste +upvote -downvote I like how emoji has jdm symbol. 
9.
certifieddiva66
certifieddiva66 @certifieddiva66
#IGotaAThingFor D.L.A
13 Jan 13 copy & paste +upvote -downvote #IGotaAThingFor D.L.A 💦👄😘❤
10.
morgan_dyson
morgan_dyson @morgan_dyson
I'm obsessed with emoji!!
14 Jan 13 copy & paste +upvote -downvote I'm obsessed with emoji!! 🙈🙉🙊👍💜💙💛💚❤
11.
wallissxx
wallissxx @wallissxx
Sooooo sleepy
https://www.iemoji.com/feed/myEmoji/1013158229075996678
Back to top