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Phlegm Clandango❄
@Cain_Unable
The salesman said despite its weight, my new 4x4 is great at taking corners. Oh yeah, well explain that to the poor goalkeeper I ran over.
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Phlegm Clandango❄
@Cain_Unable
I'm not saying my children are badly behaved but their school has just fined us for *not* taking them on holiday during term time.
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Phlegm Clandango❄
@Cain_Unable
So the clocks go forward on #MothersDay so Mums get just 95.8% of what they're entitled to? Well played 2017, well played.
Phlegm Clandango❄
@Cain_Unable
I recently hit over 200 followers! I was subsequently banned from attending any more tweet ups.
Phlegm Clandango❄
@Cain_Unable
Please help me find my little girl. I need her home and safe please help her find her way home xx please retweet x twitter.com/policehour/sta…
Retweet of status by @SarahBrindley7
Phlegm Clandango❄
@Cain_Unable
It's great when the zoo let you adopt a lemur but what they don't tell you about is the day you have to tell him you're not his real Dad.
Phlegm Clandango❄
@Cain_Unable
Well done West. Proud of you. pic.twitter.com/jAahnd7DaY
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Phlegm Clandango❄
@Cain_Unable
My wife says you MUST follow through when you threaten children with punishment but I've shat myself twice today & they still won't listen.
Phlegm Clandango❄
@Cain_Unable
Aaargh! Completely forgot to pick up any shroves yesterday. That's #PancakeDay ruined.
Phlegm Clandango❄
@Cain_Unable
Christ, if Ranieri got sacked 9 months after winning the Premier League with LEICESTER I don't see my next performance review going well.
Phlegm Clandango❄
@Cain_Unable
This bloody woman keeps singing right outside my bedroom window. What is her problem?! pic.twitter.com/mNPnDbJX11
...but wait! There's more!
34.
fakhright
@fakhright
astaghfirullah peng.krim guaaaaaaaa..............a *salto sambil solat*
